the need for sunglasses and a purple hat

I just love the idea of sunglasses in December! Today, again, I really needed them, as the sun was just bouncing on the bright snow! The roads are pretty good; the powder just kinda blows to the side, and it's cold enough that nothing is melting and turning to ice. I think it is about -15 degrees today, but for some reason it doesn't feel so cold - maybe cause of the sun, or maybe cause I am spending time inside! The sun streaming through the windows makes me want to take L and D out this afternoon for a sled ride. Maybe I'll do that. Mom and Dad set up their tree and got a new fireplace, and I've promised to pop over to see both. Poor Mom is in bed sick, though, so maybe today is not the best day for us to go for a visit.

I have been searching for the perfect hat. I couldn't seem to find anything that would both stay on my head covering my ears and be warm enough. I was kinda hoping to find purple, as my other accessories (scarf and mitts) are purple. Got a lovely Christmas parcel in the mail yesterday from M and lo and behold - there was the perfect, purple hat!! I couldn't believe it! She always puts so much thought and love into her gifts - I don't know if she intuited that I needed a perfect, purple hat, or if it was fluke, but I know that when you are close friends with someone, sometimes they just know what you need when you need it, without being told.

L was just starting to get comfortable with a little girl at school, and we were planning to invite her over for play-dates. She is basically L's best friend at school. Well today, this girl's dad told me that tomorrow is her last day at the school! They live in C and it is just too far to come; before, her mom was working close to the school so it worked out for her to come here, but now her mom has changed jobs. I am so disappointed for L, as this is really the only little friend she has. L doesn't even talk to her, but she is open to the idea of her, and wanted to invite her over. Yes, there are other little girls in the class, but none who is so friendly and gentle and kind as this one. I am praying that there will be another little friend for L. Someone close by, who she can play with outside of school time.

Speaking of, M needs a friend too, close by for outside of school time. His best friend at school is really not a very nice kid and quite a bad influence on M. I am hoping the holiday will give us some much-needed mom-and-me time to get him back on track.

stories and such

Have a new habit. Each night, when the kids go to bed, I lie with D and tell the boys stories. (Poor L misses out, being in her own room, but she is always so tired she goes to sleep right after being tucked in.) I tell the boys stories from the Old Testament (Joshua and the walls of Jericho; Moses and the plagues; David and Goliath; Hannah and Samuel; etc, etc, etc), miracles of Jesus from the New Testament, and life stories of favorite saints. They are soaking up the stories, and I'm sorry I waited so long to start. But now, a month or so into this new routine, I am running out of remembered stories and actually having to research for something new! Oh well. I guess I learn too this way. And it is so nice to revisit some that I have forgotten. The kids are learning some basics of theology, told in story format. One of my all time favorite stories is about one of my favorite saints: St. Athanasius the Great and the First Council of Nicaea. Maybe we will do that one tonight. Which reminds me that I want to reread Father Schmemann The Historical Road of Eastern Orthodoxy. Love that book!

The two youngest muncheroos were a real handful in Liturgy today. L was being naughty and D wanted to be held the whole time. He gets so jealous if one of the other kids is sitting with me and he pulls their hair and bites and screams! Yep. Terrible twos - here we come! We're working on it. We had his 18 month language screen the other day, and it appears that his oral communication is at the 9-12 month level, which is what I expected. He will be seeing a SLP once per month starting in January, until he gets old enough for proper week-to-week therapy. I am thinking maybe he will catch up on his own, though, before then. I am not worried about him. Just wanted the assessment in case; better to get him on the waitlist (or on the caseload) of a SLP now, than to try to get him help when he is desperate later.

Can't find the dog's ball anywhere! I bought her an inside ball a few days ago and she had it for 10 minutes in one room and it disappeared! We have looked everywhere! Maybe she took it outside and buried it. I guess I should have bought two! A says I buy two of everything. Not true, but in this case it would have been a good idea!

baby, it's cold outside

Actually, it's not so cold today: about -11 degrees. Gently falling snow. White sky and muted sun. Looks colder out than it is. But it was sure cold the last few days. Makes me want to curl up by the fire and read a good book. I haven't been to the library for so long, I almost forget what a book looks like.

Took D to emergency last night. I could see that both his eyes were infected, and his whole face was red and puffy. He has been so sick for two weeks - just a bad cold, but he sure didn't feel good. He got his immunizations on Wednesday (which the emergency nurses couldn't figure out, cause apparently they aren't supposed to give immunizations if the kid is sick) and has had fever on and off since. Sleepless nights and fussiness. Very runny nose, and then eye infections. Well, turns out that he had two ear infections and two eye infections, poor guy! Thank goodness for antibiotics - even this afternoon he is so much better. He has energy; he is playing; he is definitely starting to feel more like his cheeky self.

Bought Daisy an "indestructible" ball this morning from the pet store. Maybe it will keep her busy so she stops chewing the toys!

Gave Great Grandpa A's harmonica to P this morning. He was thrilled and has been making music all day! It will be good to see Uncle T at Christmas; maybe he can give P some pointers.

Early dismissal this afternoon, so the kids and I are going to make the gingerbread train.

modern electronics for dummies

If only there was such a book! Maybe there is - but would it save me time to actually read it?? I know nothing about modern electronics! I recently got a smart phone, and it is smarter than me! P told me off while we were driving in the van today. He said, "Mommy, do you know what a DS is?" I said no. He asked me how old I am, and when I told him, he incredulously said, "I'm 5 and I know what it is and you're 33 and you don't know??!" I tried to explain to him that the iPad, iPod, DS (whatever it is), etc, etc are all new "toys" and were not around when I was a little girl. He thought I was making excuses, and said "But you're an ADULT!" Trying not to laugh, I asked him to enlighten me, and he told me it's something like a laptop! OK - I was still clueless. So I asked M when he came home for lunch. He said it is a video game player that you don't have to put games on; they already come on it. And then P said, "Mom, the difference between an iPad and and iPod is that the iPad is sideways." Well, that helps! Seriously, I need that book.

some days are better

Some days are better than others, and
Some nights are twice as long, and
Some days I'm more than weak, and
Some nights I'm less than strong, and
Some days I just can't take it, and
Some nights I barely make it, but
Some days are better.
-- Charlie Major, Some Days Are Better

Today my doubts didn't plague me quite so much. Today the kids played in the sunshine and snow. Today the dog didn't vomit on the carpet. Today I thank God for vaccinations and second chances and medicine. D is getting shot up this afternoon, poor little guy. And I think today of my Grandma Jean. A preemie baby in a shoebox, warmed close to the stove, predicted a slim chance to live by the doctor, lived a long life. Another baby, stillborn - whose mother was told to have no more babies, yet had two more. My mom, a miracle - and me too. And all of us. God's mercy and love are unfathomable.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

tree up!

A brought home the Christmas tree this afternoon; it is now relaxing, preparing itself for being thoroughly decorated tomorrow afternoon! I told him to make sure it was at least 6 feet tall (after he brought home a little shrimpy one another year!), and it is - I think it is about 8 feet tall, which works in our living room. It is so much fun getting ready for the holidays with the children getting older. As I unpacked the box of decorations, there were multiple exclamations of "I remember that!" and "Can I hang that one up?"
We decided to work towards a "gift-less" Christmas - over the next few years. This year, the children will have stuffed stockings, but no gifts under the tree. Instead, they are each choosing an outing or event that the family can do together during the holidays. P has chosen to go to It's A Blast - a fun indoor playground and arcade in Regina. M wants to go bowling and L wants to go swimming. Hopefully we can convince Grandma and Grandpa to go along!
M and P played soccer this morning. P has one more week for this session. R was such a good coach for P's first soccer experience. We found out that P will have him again for the next session in January, which is awesome. M has JJ, which is so great - cause he learns so much from him. It's quite fun to watch M play now, as his skill is really improving.
So glad T is coming for Christmas! Wish A could make it, but he has lots to do.
Another sore throat and more coughing for me today. I don't know why it can't just leave me alone! Last night was horrible: D was up first, but not for long. Then P was up sick with stomach issues. Then I couldn't sleep for all my coughing! So, no sleep from about 3-6:30am. I really didn't want to get up at 7:30! Thank goodness for caffeine!

no rest for the weary

It's been a few nights since I had a good sleep. The kids have all been sickish with colds - and I finally got it too. Cough, cough, cough - yes, for hours every night. Made it impossible for me to sleep very well. Night before last I put an extra pillow under my head and the incline made it a lot better - I slept like a baby, well, maybe like my baby - cause he was up 3 or 4 times it seemed and so therefore, so was I! I am trying to wean him, and this kid just won't let it go! Since A's parents left (and I think D figured two parents had left - he would not really have remembered what it was like in the house before they came . . . after all, they were here five and a half months!), D has been clingy and really attached to me. He is just starting to relax a bit now, almost a month after they left. Which is good, because I found a babysitter I love and I need D to love her too!

Anyway, this morning A had to leave EARLY for work out of town, and just after he left (about 5ish), M started vomiting. Poor guy - every half hour or so till about 10. Then he rested a bit and had half a slice of bread for lunch and some juice, and now he is perfectly fine, although maybe a little tired. I revisited me fear and anxiety from last year when M and P were so sick and had to be hospitalized. Thank God he is okay; now I just hope no one else gets it.

Freezing rain and then 10cm of snow (our second snow of the year - the first was about 40cm a couple of weeks ago) made the roads treacherous. I was a bit worried about A going out of town this morning; hope he makes it back alright this evening.

Poor L dropped a metal chair on her toe last night and cut it badly. I couldn't see the wound, it was bleeding so much. We bandaged it and held it in the air with pressure on it for 20 minutes or so. Then before bed we changed the bandages. This morning I took them off and soaked her foot in a bucket of warm salt water, which cleaned it up nicely. Then I could see the deep cut and major bruising. Yep - it will hurt for awhile!

Daisy loves the snow, but not the cold! She asks to go out, and as soon as her front end is through the door she tries to turn around and get back in! She might as well get used to it!

P is so funny. The other morning at breakfast, he says to me, "Mommy, can you buy me a little vine?" When I asked what he wanted it for, he said to swing on, of course!

Had the kids' parent teacher interviews last night, although I should call them student-parent-teacher interviews, as the kids are supposed to be presenting their work to the parents. Not sure yet if I like the new format, but M did a great job showing his work to Grandma A and me. Both Mr. F and Mrs. E are excellent teachers, and I am happy with what the children are learning. Still think I will print out some worksheets to give the boys for homework each night.

Daisy

I was wakened by the dog whining, which doesn't happen much anymore. She is pretty good about waiting in her kennel in the morning till I come downstairs and let her out. But today she started at 6am. I tried to ignore her, as I really wanted more sleep! Two nights in a row of D fussing and squirming (yes, I need to get him sleeping all night in his own bed SOON!) has left me crabby and tired, and that early morning deep sleep is so precious. Anyway, the dog whined and whined and wouldn't let me get back to sleep, so I thought I would come down and let her out and then go back to bed. So I got down here and found that she had got sick in her kennel and it was all over her too. Nice. Thanks. I let her out and then cleaned things up, and then I knew there was no way I would go back to sleep so I went on eBay!

We are going over to the school this morning. There is a work party to put in a new swing set for the little children. I will take the kids to play; their friends (L and B) will be there too.

Need to mow the grass today in the backyard. Finish typing the meeting minutes for church. Take Daisy for a walk. Recheck the kids' backpacks to make sure they have everything for school on Tuesday. Maybe hit a couple of garage sales.

Just another Saturday.

a good day

Yesterday was a good day! M had her baby! I was so anxious for her, hoping and praying that that she wouldn't have to be induced and that he would be born safely. Well, glory to God! 10 days late, but she went into labour herself the night before she was to be induced. God really loves us and often shows that love in little ways that require trust. I am so happy for her! And J is so beautiful!!

I had confession yesterday as well, which was a relief as always. I am so thankful for Father S, who helps me to put things into perspective, and often provides a different perspective than mine. His love for God is evident each time I see him, in his words and demeanor.

M had soccer camp last night and is doing really well. JJ is a great coach, who really knows his stuff. I am hoping that there will be lots more opportunities for M to learn from him. P is anxious to play soccer, and keeps asking me when the fall is, as I said he could play in the fall!

Looks like A's parents are staying for the full six months. I am tired of them being here, although there is little to complain about beyond the dynamic. Z really helps out with cooking and cleaning, as well as looking after D anytime it is needed. P has been helping with work around the house and yard, and we have got so much done. There is lots more to do, but it is exciting to be able to have time to do it, and to think about what colours we might want for paint, what flooring we might decide on, etc.

School is back in next week! I can't believe how fast the summer went by! I hope L will be ready for Pre-K. She is excited about it, but we will see how the reality goes! P and M are excited to go back and see all their friends.

saturday

today we went to a few garage sales, although we have taken to going friday instead. most people do so, and we are more likely to find a deal if we go the first day rather than the second...

yesterday I got a beautiful footstool (brand new with tags attached!) for the guest bedroom. it coordinates perfectly with the chairs.  I also found a gorgeous chinese fan; it is huge, so not sure yet where to display it. a bunch of other small things, a couple of life jackets (will need those for the houseboat trip hopefully next summer). etc etc

very annoyed at the moment, waiting for A to get ready to go. we planned this afternoon's excursion to the western development museum weeks ago, as they have a huge Lego display today - should be very cool. well, now A and his dad are trying to build some contraption for beans in the garden, and I have been told to WAIT. (I'm soooo good at that!) the kids will be disappointed if we miss the display, though, and the museum closes in just a couple of hours. ah well.

looking forward to M and B's visit in a few days. they arrived in canada a few weeks ago, but detoured to visit disneyland before coming here. when I was seven, my best friend went to disneyland and I was so jealous. I knew it was something our family wouldn't be doing. I wonder if it still as cool today as then, or if there are other vacation spots just as popular with kids. last year, M was telling me about some great places to visit right here in canada - Dinosaur Provincial Park; The Enchanted Forest; etc.

about 30 degrees today, but doesn't feel too hot. we get a breeze so often in MJ that the weather is rarely unbearably hot.

I can't believe she's 3!

L turned 3 on Sunday! Wow - how time flies! I don't know why, but I keep thinking to myself that in another two years, D will be three and the baby thing will be completely finished. I feel a bit sad about that, as it has been my [wonderful and amazing] life for the last 7 years, but I am really excited to be heading for the next stage!

Anyway, we had Grandpa H and mom and dad here, and of course A's parents. This will probably be the last year that L lets me do what I want for her birthday, rather than have a proper party! A made Ukrainian BBQ and I made a cake, shaped like Dora! I didn't think it looked much like Dora, but L liked it, which is really all that matters.

The weather has been HOT! Today is predicted to be 36 degrees. We have the little pool set up in the backyard; it warms up during the day, and the kids go out after 4pm to play in it - it is just too hot earlier. The sprinkler is great too.

The kids made a new friend across the street. His parents are separated, so he only lives here on the weekends I think. He is a year older than M and is super sweet and polite and respectful. I am hoping that the boys pick up some good manners from him! I don't know what it is with M these days, but I am really hoping that it is just a stage that he is going through and will grow out of.

Swimming lessons this morning for the boys. Looks like it will be another waste of money. I am really disappointed with the teachers. I am planning to put the boys in the Flying Fins program during the fall/winter. I have heard that the instruction is a lot better.

heat!

Goodness, it has been awhile since I wrote anything.  Today is very hot and humid.  About 30 degrees outside.  At least I didn't have to go out in it much - just ran to Safeway to get some fruit and to the post office to mail parcels.  Z is getting a cold; I guess D and I gave it to her.  I feel guilty.  Tato has been outside in the heat messing about, building shelves in the workshop and such.  After strep throat and a cold, I am finally feeling a bit better.  The kids are okay, and M only has 3 more days of school!  Summer will be fun!

garage sale fun

I took A's parents along this morning on our weekly garage sale adventure. A was at a course all day, so he wasn't with us. It was even more fun than usual - trying to translate back and forth with the dozen Russian words I know, and watching A's dad experience "second-hand" for the first time. He loaded up with a lot of good bargains, and the rest of us did too. The children each found some toys, which should keep them busy this week. We finished off at a house that had hotdogs for sale, so I didn't even have to make lunch! And next week, we get to do it all again!

in-laws

I probably have the nicest in-laws in the world. And, I am not being sarcastic. A's parents arrived almost two weeks ago for a visit of undetermined length. They have a visa for six months, so they may stay that long. At this point, none of us know. Anyway, I am already feeling stifled in my space, and I have to push myself extra hard to be hospitable and gracious. They don't speak English, which is a challenge when A is gone for work. Mama likes to cook and clean, and I like to take it easy (although cooking and cleaning get done when  - but I sure feel guilty relaxing when she is always busy. A says to stop worrying - that I worry more than she does. It is really nice to see the kids enjoying the visit with their Ukrainian grandparents.

L had a little friend over today for the first time, which actually went really well. They were talking a bit and playing together nicely. We will have to do it more often; hopefully it will help L build confidence with her speech.

The kids are loving the sun, back after a week or so of rain and cold. Goodness, I thought we were back in the Lower Mainland for awhile there!

sinus infection

So. Fun, fun, fun. I was just getting over my cold, when I get slammed with a nasty sinus infection. I went first thing this morning to the clinic - one has to go early to get in quickly. I was the second one there, and by the time they opened the doors there was a good ten people behind me. So I've started the antibiotics, and I am just praying the kids don't get the same thing. M hurt his ankle yesterday and it is all swollen. Not sure what's wrong, but Dr. O sent him for an X-ray. She also has him on antibiotics.

There are so many things to get done before A's parents arrive on Sunday. Oh, well. I guess the important things will get done. I am very anxious about the coming visit, although I love his parents. Hopefully it will go okay.

the gag reflex

Today we took the kids into R to the dentist. I don't mind the drive or the extra cost of the pediatric dentistry as long as they don't hate the experience. Everyone's teeth look great, so that's good. M has a strong "gag reflex" and mom says I had the same when I was little. I always feel sick to my stomach after going to the dentist. The hygienist said that M had a bit of trouble because he was gagging and having to stop so much during the cleaning and fluoride, and then he got upset. I think for next year, I will prepare M to gargle with the fluoride rinse so he doesn't have to deal with those foam trays filled with goo. Maybe I will teach him to gargle using juice.

good kids

While in the post office the other day, someone told me how good my kids are. "Such good kids." And they are, I suppose. They have their naughty times, that's for sure - but then, so do I! I hope they learn to be respectful, obedient, helpful and compassionate. I hope I can teach them to love in the little day to day interactions with those around them. Good? Well, I don't like that word. . . cause first, no one is good but God; and second, what does good mean anyway when said in that context? Since it was an older lady, she probably meant "what quiet, non-disruptive kids"! Good thing she doesn't live with us!

safe and secure

I feel safe here now. I guess that means it is home. I feel relaxed, secure and good about this place. A has been in Vancouver for the last few weeks, and says that now after going back for this small job, he is certain that we made the right choice in moving here last year. He can't stand the constant rush, the endless traffic, the noise, etc. And I sure don't miss it. Why would I, when here I have sun and sky, quiet and space, calm and contentment? Glory to God!

little ones

There will be

No more laundry to do
No more tripping on toys
No more shredded pencil crayon from the dog
No more soiled sheets to change
No more "print me a picture" and "I want a snack"
No more dishes to wash
No more spills to wipe up
No more scrapes to bandage

What a bleak, bleak future I have!
Oh, what a bleak, bleak future I have!

I relish the chaos
I relish the noise
I relish the mess
And I relish the toys

Don't grow up too quickly now!
Oh please, don't grow up too quickly now!

Let me hold him before he is too big for my lap
Let me pour her milk before she can do it herself
Let me watch the "show" before they won't bother
Let me read while they want to listen

Dear God, slow down time . . .

sickness

There is nothing so scary in the world as your child being sick. Even something milder than cancer or a life-threatening disease (God forbid) is difficult to go through. When P was hospitalized twice last year, it was scary. Seeing your child unresponsive or lethargic and dependent on modern medicine for health is scary. Yesterday he had a sore throat and wouldn't eat. Last night he was shivering while burning with fever. He was crying out nonsensical things in his sleep. He was tossing and turning. I was up every hour with him, and the worry is so much bigger and harder during the dark night. He is such a little guy. But, God is with us. P woke up this morning with more energy, gave me a grin and ate a cookie!

peace

A simple "help me" prayer, and wow! Turns out it's all in the way I see thirty or forty years of time. And how I see happiness. Perhaps the little things don't matter nearly so much as I thought; or, perhaps the issues are the little things. Either way, the constant struggle for my own way - even if I win - sure doesn't make me happy. And maybe seeing him happy or content will give me joy.

struggle

There is a bit of chaos in my head, as of late. Father J spoke a good homily Sunday about the peace of Christ, and how He wants to give it, and how we need to seek it. But this confusion regarding relationship is not allowing me any peace. I don't know if I am being tempted, tested, or challenged. Or perhaps, none of these. I'm trying to figure out if and how fear plays a role in the whole thing. I am questioning happiness and responsibility. Duty and love. This too shall pass, but will it? And after how long? And does it matter anyway?

tomorrow

tomorrow I will perfect the mother thing
tomorrow I will make time to pray
tomorrow I will smile more
tomorrow I will be careful what I say
tomorrow I will stop drinking coke
tomorrow I will take my kids out to play
tomorrow I will save some coin
tomorrow I will find my way

maybe tomorrow I will matter to you
maybe tomorrow I won't be alone
maybe tomorrow the sun will shine again
maybe tomorrow's already gone

a new day has dawned

It amazes me that even with all the struggle on Pascha night - what with getting four kids ready and out the door in the middle of the night, complete with blankets and pillows, and dressed in their finery; getting those same four kids through two or three hours of services, when I am tired; and getting up early the next morning to take the puppy out to pee and feed her and give her some love - that it is still my favorite night of the year.

I love the anticipation in the air when we arrive at the church! I love the tangible joy in the air, and on the faces of those present! I love the hymns; they always stay in my head for at least a week, and are enjoyed over and over! I love St. John Chrysostom's Paschal homily that is read every year - so much hope, so much love, so much acceptance. You see and hear God in it. No wonder St. John was called "golden-mouthed"! I love sweet Communion with my risen Christ! I love the song to Mary - "rejoice, your Son is risen from his three days in the tomb"!  I can only imagine her sorrow and her joy as a mother during Christ's crucifixion and resurrection!

And, waking to "Bright Week" . . . well, it really is bright! A new day has dawned, and Christ is risen!

nature and nurture

Well, the snow has melted, and spring seems to be back! The boys have been out all day in the sunshine, riding their bikes, and I am about to go out with the others and the dog. As I was enjoying the incense in church the other day, I contemplated nature and nurture for the effects they have on us. God forbid that the children ever leave God or the Church, even briefly, but if they do, I know that the incense, the icons, the chants are imprinted upon their minds and in their hearts - and will be a part of who they are. They are knitted into the fabric of their beings, and just like certain smells or songs can bring back memories from childhood, will be able to hold that memory of God in them. This, then, is nature - and nurture is the opportunity to take Holy Communion regularly and to be in a family of love: not only immediate family, but collective family of the universal Church.

april snow

So, a bit of a shocker today to get some snow. And just as few days ago the boys were wearing shorts and t-shirts to school! It actually started as rain, and it smelled so good! I can't say I miss the rain, or the clouds, or the gray of the coast, but I do miss the fresh smell of rain!

My "little" brother turns 28 today! Wow - how time flies! It would be nice to be together to celebrate, but at least we have telephones and computers and can easily stay in touch across the miles.  Knowing how quickly the moments of life disappear . . . I cling to the little things - like rocking D to sleep, or reading a story to L, or having bedtime discussions with P and M.  (Truly, P daily says the darndest things!)

being on time

We had P's family day today with pre-k.  Of course, A was too busy to come when it was time to leave.  He was only going to be "5 more minutes".  Like always!  So, we left without him.  I am trying to teach the kids that being on time is respectful - that it is a practical way to show love to those around us.  A doesn't agree, apparently.  It is a daily and weekly thing with him.  Get up late; start work late; arrive at church late; etc.  It drives me bonkers.  And, it is difficult to teach the kids something that their dad doesn't do.  Anyway, we had a glorious time at the family day.  A tour of the library followed by story time and a craft; then outside in the park for time at the playground and feeding the ducks!  So much fun in the sun!

i love alleys

I love alleys.
I love sunglasses in winter time.
I love roads that aren't perfect.
I love character and struggle in buildings.
I love friendly people.
I love sky as far as I can see.
I love warm sunshine in springtime.

I love it here, in this place that is home.

I am so grateful for my children playing, my husband working so hard, my parents nearby, my puppy getting into mischief, my home which is big enough for our family, my beautiful church, my good health, my friends far and near.

st mary of egypt

I think of my daughter's closet, full of amazing dresses and outfits - most that she will only wear once - and the money spent on those outfits, and I contemplate the life lesson from St Mary of Egypt. The flesh is temporary; the soul is what matters. Am I teaching my children the importance of inner beauty, or am I focusing too much on outward appearance, perhaps in response to my own scars? I never want them to feel ugly; I never want them to be ignored or teased. I know this is an unrealistic wish - and perhaps instead, I should be teaching them that it is okay to be teased or ignored for Christ's sake, ie. for the beauty of their souls. St Mary of Egypt spent so long trying to tame her flesh into repentance.  It is so much easier for children to form good habits than to attempt to change bad habits later. I know: as an adult, it is a daily struggle to fix, fix, fix and wade against the tide towards repentance and healing. Well, this is the breath, the moment that I turn around. Change direction and think differently. 

good mother

We had my Grandpa's 94th birthday party this afternoon. Just my parents, my mom's cousin and her husband and us. We sat in the sun for hours and visited: laughing at my 10 month-old's tottering steps and my four-year-old's rendition of Johnny Reid's "Out of the Blue"! Lenten chocolate cake, made by my good mother - with strawberries and whipped topping. I appreciate my mother more every day, although our easily offended natures and sometimes clashing personalities makes it difficult to tell her so. Well, she knows I love her and hopefully knows I'm in her corner. She has a servant's heart, and a tireless energy - or so it seems. I don't know how many years it will be until she slows down and needs me to look after her more, but selfishly I pray it will be many. In the meantime, I have a lot to learn.

missing Grandma

My daughter wanted to push the automatic door open button at the mall, and a dear old lady on oxygen pointed out the button to her . . . of course that just made my two year old refuse to do it at all! Subtle attention is the only thing that works with my daughter right now. She doesn't like to be put on the spot, and she doesn't like being the center of attention. Hopefully as more words emerge, her confidence will grow and she won't be quite so shy. Although my Grandma wasn't on oxygen for very long before she died, seeing that old lady at the mall brought Grandma to mind. Goodness, I miss her so much. She was always supportive and encouraging towards me. She gave me confidence in myself, and I always knew she loved me.

a blog, eh?

Never thought I'd do this . . . a "blog" I mean.

My Grandpa wrote daily in a diary for over twenty years. I would love to read through his journals, although his handwriting is worse than a doctor's scrawl so it would take a good long time.

I don't have much to say, but in the interest of stopping time would like to put down some of our daily happenings.

It is gorgeous today - sunny and warm. My tendency is to get outside quick, before the sun disappears behind the clouds. But wait. There are no clouds here. We now live in a new dot on the map, a spot on the prairie, and the west coast 12-month rainy season is a thing of the past.

So, I sit at leisure and watch my kids playing and my puppy romping in the sunshine.  I know that I can always go out in it later on, after a few chores are done.