the gag reflex

Today we took the kids into R to the dentist. I don't mind the drive or the extra cost of the pediatric dentistry as long as they don't hate the experience. Everyone's teeth look great, so that's good. M has a strong "gag reflex" and mom says I had the same when I was little. I always feel sick to my stomach after going to the dentist. The hygienist said that M had a bit of trouble because he was gagging and having to stop so much during the cleaning and fluoride, and then he got upset. I think for next year, I will prepare M to gargle with the fluoride rinse so he doesn't have to deal with those foam trays filled with goo. Maybe I will teach him to gargle using juice.

good kids

While in the post office the other day, someone told me how good my kids are. "Such good kids." And they are, I suppose. They have their naughty times, that's for sure - but then, so do I! I hope they learn to be respectful, obedient, helpful and compassionate. I hope I can teach them to love in the little day to day interactions with those around them. Good? Well, I don't like that word. . . cause first, no one is good but God; and second, what does good mean anyway when said in that context? Since it was an older lady, she probably meant "what quiet, non-disruptive kids"! Good thing she doesn't live with us!

safe and secure

I feel safe here now. I guess that means it is home. I feel relaxed, secure and good about this place. A has been in Vancouver for the last few weeks, and says that now after going back for this small job, he is certain that we made the right choice in moving here last year. He can't stand the constant rush, the endless traffic, the noise, etc. And I sure don't miss it. Why would I, when here I have sun and sky, quiet and space, calm and contentment? Glory to God!

little ones

There will be

No more laundry to do
No more tripping on toys
No more shredded pencil crayon from the dog
No more soiled sheets to change
No more "print me a picture" and "I want a snack"
No more dishes to wash
No more spills to wipe up
No more scrapes to bandage

What a bleak, bleak future I have!
Oh, what a bleak, bleak future I have!

I relish the chaos
I relish the noise
I relish the mess
And I relish the toys

Don't grow up too quickly now!
Oh please, don't grow up too quickly now!

Let me hold him before he is too big for my lap
Let me pour her milk before she can do it herself
Let me watch the "show" before they won't bother
Let me read while they want to listen

Dear God, slow down time . . .

sickness

There is nothing so scary in the world as your child being sick. Even something milder than cancer or a life-threatening disease (God forbid) is difficult to go through. When P was hospitalized twice last year, it was scary. Seeing your child unresponsive or lethargic and dependent on modern medicine for health is scary. Yesterday he had a sore throat and wouldn't eat. Last night he was shivering while burning with fever. He was crying out nonsensical things in his sleep. He was tossing and turning. I was up every hour with him, and the worry is so much bigger and harder during the dark night. He is such a little guy. But, God is with us. P woke up this morning with more energy, gave me a grin and ate a cookie!

peace

A simple "help me" prayer, and wow! Turns out it's all in the way I see thirty or forty years of time. And how I see happiness. Perhaps the little things don't matter nearly so much as I thought; or, perhaps the issues are the little things. Either way, the constant struggle for my own way - even if I win - sure doesn't make me happy. And maybe seeing him happy or content will give me joy.

struggle

There is a bit of chaos in my head, as of late. Father J spoke a good homily Sunday about the peace of Christ, and how He wants to give it, and how we need to seek it. But this confusion regarding relationship is not allowing me any peace. I don't know if I am being tempted, tested, or challenged. Or perhaps, none of these. I'm trying to figure out if and how fear plays a role in the whole thing. I am questioning happiness and responsibility. Duty and love. This too shall pass, but will it? And after how long? And does it matter anyway?